i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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