Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
