The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She bit a glass in half.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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