How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
