his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
