Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
