I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
