guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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