Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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