Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
