Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
