Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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