he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
