we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
