is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I touched a dick in church today
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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