just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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