I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
