Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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