u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
