It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
