I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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