She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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