Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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