She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
