a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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