she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
