his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
