College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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