I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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