I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
