The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
