White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
