he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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