I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
