We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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