best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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