While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
