can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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