no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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