Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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