mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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