Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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