The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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