You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
