She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
