Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
