This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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