Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
