Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
