why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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