wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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