If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
